When I First Came To Christ

 

When I First Came To Christ

When I started to go to church I was 

really young, Not really sure how 

young I was. I had no idea why my parents 

wanted me to go, It was what they told me

I had to go. It was a part of growing up,

and part of living a good life. 

When My father and grandma passed away 

I pulled away from the church and didn't 

want to go.  My Mom didn't make me, cause 

she knew I was grieving. 

When I started growing up a bit more I 

started going back on my own. To be 

truthful I was unsure, maybe a little 

uncomfortable, I fumbled for words.

I was lost, confused and hurt too.

I didn't know what to say or how to start.

I didn't want my words to come out 

funny. So I really didn't speak much

I didn't want to sound stupid.

I went into church doors and sat in the 

back of the church pew and listened 

to every word that the preacher said,

when the service was over I just 

sat there for a few and felt lost. 

People just passed by me and left 

out of the door like I wasn't even 

there, no one said one word to me. 

I felt really invisible, like I didn't 

belong there for a while, but these 

were just my feelings. It's how I 

felt at that time.

The preacher saw me and came over 

to me and talked to me. "Are you okay?"
I just looked at him kind of confused and 

questioned a few things in my head. 

He had a seat next to me

I said "Maybe I should just go" 

I got up, and as 

I headed to the door, something made 

me stop right there and I spoke to 

him "I just don't know how to 

feel anymore." 

He looked at me and replied 

"what do you mean"

"Well I came to church, I sat here 

and listened and even prayed with 

all of you, yet I still feel the same. 

What I'm saying I guess is, in 

some way I want to know that God 

still loves me when I don't understand 

him, If any of that makes sense." 

I stood up and got ready to go as I 

replied "I don't know what this grace 

thing is that you were preaching 

about, but I will see you around 

some time." That was all that 

I said as I left out that day. 

Well I went back about a month later

sat in the very same spot I did before.

Well at the end of the sermon the 

preacher said to me "I haven't seen 

you in a while, I am glad to see 

that you came back, if you 

don't mind me asking you "What 

made you come back?" 

I just looked at him and said 

"I think that grace word you 

were preaching about brought 

me back here. He looked at me 

and smiled and then replied 

"See you next Sunday" 

I don't know if it was grace that

brought me back or not, I still 

wasn't sure what grace was,

Well I went back the next 

Sunday and kept going back 

until I got baptized for the 

very first time.  

To this day I still wonder if 

grace is out of kindness 

or just being obedient and 

faithful in God's will.